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	<title>Stina&#039;s Trip &#187; running</title>
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	<link>http://www.stinasieg.com</link>
	<description>A Journey Around America and Canada</description>
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		<title>Running through the void</title>
		<link>http://www.stinasieg.com/2011/06/running-through-the-void/</link>
		<comments>http://www.stinasieg.com/2011/06/running-through-the-void/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 22 Jun 2011 01:17:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Carolina]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bakersville]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[new friends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rhododendron Run]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[running]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[small town]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stina Sieg]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[summer]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Waynesville]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.stinasieg.com/?p=1235</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>(Note: I wrote this hot off a breakup. I feel like, perhaps, it would be wiser and at least more political in this small town, to keep it to myself. But, oh well, here we go.)</p>
<p>I know it’s not attractive for someone to admit his or her hunger, but I’m not going to whitewash the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>(Note: I wrote this hot off a breakup. I feel like, perhaps, it would be wiser and at least more political in this small town, to keep it to myself. But, oh well, here we go.)</em></p>
<p>I know it’s not attractive for someone to admit his or her hunger, but I’m not going to whitewash the fog of loneliness I was in Friday night. All I wanted to do was break through it. For some people, I think camping or heavy drinking or adopting a kitten is the attempted solution, but for me running has nearly always been the best thing. I’ve been doing it since I was 9, and nothing gives me a sense of accomplishment and perspective like a good run does.</p>
<p>I went online and found that the Rhododendron 10K (6.2 miles) was slated for the next day in Bakersville. Never mind that it was more than 90 minutes away and started at 8:30 a.m and that I hadn’t run more than 3 miles in a shot in the last three years. It sounded perfect.</p>
<p>The next morning, I escaped my Waynesville reality around 6 a.m. and headed east, then north, following winding back roads, thick with trees. Even while only driving and listening to terribly addictive pop music, I already felt accomplished, having stepped off the grid of my own patterns and expectations, and heading toward something that felt right. Growing up, running was a huge part of my life, and my father and I would run together five days a week, pretty much without fail. We also did somewhere around 20 or so races, from 5 milers to half marathons. When I moved away from home, however, my running became spotty, and my speed (which was never much to shout home about, anyway), went downhill.</p>
<p>The Rhododendron Run was going to be my first race in six years.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.stinasieg.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/2.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-1245" title="-2" src="http://www.stinasieg.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/2-300x200.jpg" alt="-2" width="300" height="200" /></a>By the time I arrived in Bakersville, a tiny place by the Tennessee border, I was feeling blindly confident. I chatted happily with the folks at the check-in and walked around the starting line area as I soaked in the pre-race excitement and jitters. In the midst of all the people stretching and generally psyching themselves up, I met a nice man, originally from Liberia, who was about to watch the race with his three little children. His wife, he explained, was running. We talked for a couple of minutes, and as I left, he told me they’d cheer for me too.</p>
<p>Shortly after, I was one of about 100 people lining up, listening to the race master’s instructions and bowing their heads for a prayer. A bullhorn sounded, and we were off.</p>
<p>Breathing heavily and trying like crazy not to tucker myself out prematurely, I smiled as I realized that I’d forgotten how humbling it is to have a flood of racers pass you. That day, the group included a boy who looked around 9 and a hunched-over woman who must have been in her late 70s. Try as I might, I never could catch her.</p>
<p>As I ran, a strange new reality settled into me. I realized that I had gone from being a slow runner to being an <em>extremely</em> slow runner. I’m used to doing about 10-minute miles, but my first mile was just shy of 12 minutes, and none of the following ones were any better. Often, I could pretend I was running the race, which circled through the small town and its surrounding hills, alone, as there were only three or four people chugging along behind me. When I did encounter other souls, such as the extremely friendly volunteers handing out water and giving times, they were unfailingly supportive. I even had fellow runners cheering me on as they ran past after reaching the turn-around point. I must have looked in a bad way, because they kept telling me that I was doing really well and that I shouldn’t give up.</p>
<p>What they didn’t know was that there was no way I was letting this race get the best of me. I was going to cross that finish line — having not walked a step — no matter how long it took.</p>
<p>Though I never became faster, the race did get easier toward the end. After five miles, I was feeling upbeat, actually, and even fancied trying to catch up with some of the runners in front of me. I managed to stave off the guy behind me, as every time I heard the sound of his snot rockets being expelled and his shoes hitting the pavement, my pride made me pick up speed. This little game kept me distracted until finally I was at the 6-mile marker.</p>
<p>A few seconds later, I saw that friendly man from earlier with his young family. They had waited long after his wife had finished to root for me.</p>
<p>It was right about then, with less than a quarter of a mile to go, that I broke down and cried. I was still moving forward, gulping for air, and tears were trickling down my face. I think it was due to that man’s surprising support, but also because I was amazed that I was about to finish something that I realized was so important to me. I’m sure the loneliness had something to do with it, too. I was overtaken with conflicting emotion — so much so that I missed the final turn toward the finish line.</p>
<p>Within a few minutes, I reached the end of a blocked-off road, where an old man stood directing traffic. I asked him where the finish was, but he couldn’t hear me. I started crying harder and he just stood there, smiling awkwardly and not knowing what to do. I ran around in circles for a moment and finally flagged down someone who had long-since finished the race. She directed me to the end, and suddenly I started running faster than I had in the last hour and 15 minutes. Finally, I felt free to give it my all. With what must have looked like a great gust of aggression, I sprinted past a running woman who was probably 30 feet from the end. Gasping and dry heaving, I pushed myself across the finish. I then promptly puked and crumpled to the ground. I hadn’t felt that vulnerable or that powerful in a long time.</p>
<p>A few hours after, I found myself at nearby Roan Mountain State Park, with its famous rhododendron gardens. As I perused the thousands of flowers, it began to rain heavily. It was one of those unrelenting, cinematic downpours, and as I ran the half mile or so back to my car, I became completely soaked. Strangely, perfectly, I felt like I was being baptized. I felt no hint of the loneliness I had started my day with, though I knew it would come back, as loneliness loves to do.</p>
<p>I was in such a moment of euphoria that I even saw the beauty in being lonesome, as I knew that was what had brought me out to run that day. I sat still in my car for a few minutes and tried to hold on to that clarity. I still am.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.stinasieg.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/1.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1236 aligncenter" title="-1" src="http://www.stinasieg.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/1-300x248.jpg" alt="-1" width="300" height="248" /></a></p>
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		<title>Awake again</title>
		<link>http://www.stinasieg.com/2010/06/awake-again/</link>
		<comments>http://www.stinasieg.com/2010/06/awake-again/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 26 Jun 2010 19:17:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Carolina]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[running]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stina Sieg]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Waynesville]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.stinasieg.com/?p=1167</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>(WAYNESVILLE, N.C.) — So, I’m about to go run. It has been months and months since I have, but as I find my shoes and put on a raggedy shirt that I love, I already feel like a runner again. It occurs to me now that running and writing are so much the same. It’s [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>(WAYNESVILLE, N.C.) — So, I’m about to go run. It has been months and months since I have, but as I find my shoes and put on a raggedy shirt that I love, I already feel like a runner again. It occurs to me now that running and writing are so much the same. It’s the act of doing it that makes it part of who you are. Even though I haven’t touched this blog in so long, just writing this little bit already makes me feel that this site is mine again. Just as this impending run has made the runner part of fantasize about doing a marathon sometime in the future, writing this paragraph makes me want to write so much more.</p>
<p>So, I really hope you folks reading this are still out there. As always, thank you so much for reading. I have an incredible amount to tell you, and I can’t wait to.</p>
<p>For one, I now live in North Carolina …. I’ll save the rest for after my run.</p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Where getting dressed up means putting on socks</title>
		<link>http://www.stinasieg.com/2009/11/where-getting-dressed-up-means-putting-on-socks/</link>
		<comments>http://www.stinasieg.com/2009/11/where-getting-dressed-up-means-putting-on-socks/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:49:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[California]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Virginia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Arcata]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cat's Cradle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Harrisonburg]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hippies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humboldt]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kittens]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Paranormal Activity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Redding]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[running]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stina Sieg]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Twilight Saga: New Moon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Theodore Roosevelt National Park]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.stinasieg.com/?p=656</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>(ARCATA, Calif.) — I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve written. I know explanations (at least mine) are usually boring and kind of defensive, so I’ll just give a short one. I’m on shore leave from my trip right now, visiting California and my family (I flew out from Wilmington, N.C., where [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>(ARCATA, Calif.) — I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve written. I know explanations (at least mine) are usually boring and kind of defensive, so I’ll just give a short one. I’m on shore leave from my trip right now, visiting California and my family (I flew out from Wilmington, N.C., where my trailer is temporally parked). My grandparents just had their 60th wedding anniversary, and I was in Redding for it. It was good to see my mom’s big, extended family, and I’m realizing that the more I know my grandparents, the more I like them. My grandmother can’t hear well but she’s friendly and unfailingly supportive. It seems my grandfather gets funnier and intentionally goofier all the time. This time around, he made sure I got a picture of him bugging out his eyes. In short, the whole trip was pretty good. Now, I need to get back to myself. I’m visiting the town where I went to school, and it feels so good to be here, in the wet, crisp air and small-town vibe. A lot of people and businesses smell like a combination of patchouli and pot and body odor, and I just don’t care. I plan to be showered and to wear decent clothes today, but I love that I don’t have to do either of those things. A lot of people I’ve met recently in other parts of the world don’t like Arcata, but none of them had a reason to spend three years here like I did. The beautiful truth of this town is that it doesn’t have a lot of rules. It’s not just a hippy haven. It takes everybody. I think it’s like Australia or New Mexico, made up of misfits and troublemakers and artists who aren’t afraid to live off the grid. And it makes me proud of it every time I come back.</p>
<p>Hey, enough of what’s going on my head. I’d rather talk about kittens — and my trip. Here’s something about my last few days in Harrisonburg, Va.</p>
<p>On the night of Friday, Dec. 20, I was clasping two wet and shivering kittens to my chest. Swaddled in towels, they were still steaming after the first bath of their lives. When they looked up at me with their huge, innocent, kitten eyes, I melted into a girly puddle of goo that pooled onto the floor. This was such a nice surprise.</p>
<p>Sometimes, the idea that you can plan anything feels like such a joke.</p>
<p>My original plans for the night had been to avoid myself. All I wanted to do was forget my world for a few hours and dive into <em>Paranormal Activity</em>. I was on day three of squatting in Harrisonburg’s Wal-Mart parking lot, and I was surrounded by corporate sprawl in every direction. While I loved the access to free WiFi and lack of camping fees, the corporate culture all around was beginning to wear me down. In a strange, big box half world like that, nothing feels quite real, and absolutely nothing has character. While I find people to be just as friendly in those strip malls as they are anywhere else, I never feel quite like myself. After a while, I start to become heart sick for the rest of reality.</p>
<p>That’s where I was at nearly two weeks ago. I just wanted to write and get all my stuff done, but I simply couldn’t. I was too distracted by the aggressively impersonal nature of my location. That’s when I hatched my cinema escape plan. It was 4 p.m., still matinee time on a weekday, so if I knew anything, it was that the movies would be both depopulated and cheap.</p>
<p>A select few reading this right now are smiling and asking themselves the same question: Oh my God, does she live under a rock?</p>
<p>You see, that Friday was the opening day of <em>New Moon</em>, the latest installment in that teen vampire saga, <em>Twilight. </em>The theater had begun showing the movie at 10 a.m. that morning and was starting a new show each half hour until 11 p.m. But that was not enough to contain the swell of Edward Cullen-loving teens, tweens and their parents. Not only were all of the <em>Twilight </em>screenings sold-out until 10:30 p.m. but nearly every other film was also filled to the max with the overflow of vampire devotees.</p>
<p>Grumbling, I trudged home across three packed parking lots. People and cars were everywhere, and a resentful mood filled me. I so badly wanted to escape from all this and couldn’t. I felt sorry for myself for about 15 minutes, but when that was followed by self-loathing, I decided to really get out of my head and go for a run — my first in two months. It was one the best ideas I had had all week.</p>
<p>The instant I hit the pavement, I started to feel better. After 17 years of running, I’m amazed that I ever forget the alchemy of it. Traffic was still intense but the scenery changed quickly. Soon, I was running alongside a graveyard and little, scrappy houses made out of brick. After about a mile-and-a-half, I turned onto Harrisonburg’s Main Street and was greeted by the comforting sight of historic storefronts containing old-time sandwich shops and a hipster-looking coffee house. There were signs pointing to the colleges in the area and a downtown square, and I felt so relieved to know that this town had a soul. I had actually tricked myself into believing that that commercial mess in which I had been camped really was the town (as if people could survive on that alone).</p>
<p>It had just begun to get dark, and I was feeling pretty good and energized, when something stopped me dead in my tracks.</p>
<p>Kittens.</p>
<p>On my left was a spacious storefront filled with kittens and cats running freely around a 10-year-old boy. He was wielding a laser-point, which was driving the kitties crazy, and when he saw me he gestured me inside. There was no way I wasn’t following his lead.</p>
<p>What I found when I entered Cat’s Cradle is a rarity, I think — a friendly, welcoming animal adoption center, where I didn’t feel weird for just walking in. The laser kid was kind of like me, just there to hang out and get his cat fix. I was sweaty and hadn’t taken a shower in a few days, but for some reason I didn’t feel that self-conscious. The situation was too enjoyable and kind of perfect for that.</p>
<p>A kindly volunteer was part of that perfection. I asked her, a 50-ish woman who seemed so put together, if I could hold the kitties, and she said yes and then left me and the kid alone to play with them as she did paperwork. That little act of trust was touching. Soon, she was done with her work, and the kid left, and she and I were alone and talking as I picked up and petted the slightly resistant, squirming felines.</p>
<p>It turns out that she knew all about the desire to travel across a country — she had done it herself, back when she graduated from nursing school. It was 1970 then, and she left with a friend for two months in her Volkswagen Beetle and traveled from somewhere in the middle of the country (Minnesota, maybe? Damn, I can’t believe my memory is fading so fast) and then across Canada. She looked proud and wistful when she talked about the trip. She said it was beautiful. She and her friend even entered Québec at one point, even know neither of them spoke any French and though it was not a particularly popular time to be an American in that province. No matter where they were, they did everything on the cheap. When it was time to stop for the night, they would drive from one motel to another, looking for an option they could afford. They ate cheese and meat out of a cooler — until someone stole all of that in Theodore Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota.</p>
<p>“What a scummy thing to do,” she told me, “Steal someone’s cooler. Who does that?”</p>
<p>When she and her friend finally returned back to where they had left (and damned if I can remember where that was), they were offered their old jobs back, like they had never left. They began working as nurses again, as if nothing had changed, but I’m guessing that in reality everything had changed, at least within her. She said that after that, she began to move around a lot and didn’t live anywhere too long. When I asked her, somewhere in the middle of our conversation, why she had left in the first place, she answered quickly, like it was a question she was used to.</p>
<p>“I was afraid of getting bored,” she said.</p>
<p>I understood then — even though I probably wouldn’t have a couple of years ago.</p>
<p>On a side note, let me say that since I graduated college, my whole life (financially, romantically, socially) has been so on the edge of crisis that I haven’t had time to get bored. Sure, I’ve made ends meet, and I’ve made some great friends, but I’ve always felt very spurred on by the idea that my world might crash and burn at any moment. My world had been beautiful at times but always risky. Yet, those few days living in the Wal-Mart parking lot hadn’t felt so edgy. They had been ordinary and unworried, and I had been content with doing very, very little except writing and watching DVDs. My life had become, finally, boring. And by that last night, I was impressed with how much I could not stand it.</p>
<p>The volunteer and I became more and more engrossed in conversation, and soon she was closing up and getting ready to wash the littlest kittens — the few, tiny love bugs who had actually let me hold them close to my chest and coo over them. When drenched, they looked like angry, yet adorable, little monsters. Wordlessly, the volunteer handed two of them to me, and I cuddled the precious cargo through their bulky towels. I was smiling so wide, and I was so pleased. I felt lucky in a way I could not have predicted.</p>
<p>Sounds like the definition of a good night to me.</p>
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